Seeking the Truth ... a journey.
People often ask me why do this? Adopted people know why I do this, as do those who have shared that journey with an adopted or orphaned child. Anyway, i found this old blog on line from 2009 that I had written - it's worth sharing! Amazing going back and seeing what I was and wasn't game to state publicly compared to now. Enjoy :)
Monday, August 10th 2009.
For some 43 years now I have been on a journey, a journey that still has no foreseeable end. It is sad to think I am in some ways no closer to the answers now than I have ever been, yet this journey continues. I have memories, from my past, sometimes they seem like dreams now, but once they were real. I can remember a slim blond figure, her light floral patterned summer dress wafting in the breeze as she turned to smile at me. I can still feel her warmth. I can remember the stern coldness of the faceless man who stood in front of the grandfather clock. I can remember the glint of gold dazzling from his sword and from the braid around his wrist. I came to learn later what rank that signified. But I can not forget his coldness, or his words. I can remember visiting there again another time of the year, it was colder, sadder, final - then the memories stop and the questions began.
My adopted mother lied straight out, I knew it then, and I still know it now! Only now I have more information to understand why and how she lied. Doesn't excuse the fact she lied and in whose favour was the lie? Certainly was not mine. One can understand the anguish of being an adopted parent and not wanting to hear those words "who are my real parents?". One can understand why they would feel unloved or rejected, no matter how much the adopted child insisted they still loved their adopted parents. They would still feel rejected by the mere echo of the words - but what about the child? Does the child not have a right to know, no matter what the issue the truth. Is that not more in the interest of the child?
So armed with a mixed bag of truth, lies, promises and memories I have gone off searching to find the answer to the one part of my life that is still incomplete. Why? Some have asked why bother ... well if there is one thing I have learned from 17 years amongst Indigenous Australian communities it is that the bond to family, place and tribe is vital. If we are to exist as humans in perfect balance we must understand our past as well as our present in order to determine our future. What are my roots? Where should they be? What is it that makes me what I am? Where am I from? It is missing and like a puzzle I am incomplete without the answers. Becoming a doting father has only made it worse because now I owe answers to the children I have brought into this world and I will not let them down as I have been. They will know where we are from before I leave this plane and hopefully so will you. I will often discuss this issue and present the information I have discovered and bring you updates ...
